


Bros Being Dudes

by BeBraveToday



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Broadway, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Is Gay, Kleinsen, M/M, also why wasn't there already a connor/miguel tag? i'm angry, bro kink, connor is chaotic evil, everyone calls jared a bottom and he gets pissy about it (like a bottom), happy pride month!, just bros being being dudes, kind of crack, rated T for swearing and maybe sexual references, too many newsies references, very self indulgent but we have fun :), you read that right!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-04-07 01:57:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19075153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeBraveToday/pseuds/BeBraveToday
Summary: In which everyone is alive, a little bit gay, and a little bit douchey.





	1. Meet the Assholes

**Author's Note:**

> we hope you enjoy! sorry that chapter 1 is so short! we are @bookofborle and @constic on tumblr U_U
> 
> constic said "jenous" on 6/18/19 at 9:00 pm

Connor was busy biting the black nail polish off his thumbnail when he saw someone approach his booth from the corner of his eye. Giving a nudge to Miguel, Connor squinted against the sun to make out the boy (Miguel hadn’t let him wear sunglasses: “You’ll scare newcomers off!”).

He blearily made out the short boy standing before him. He was clad in a navy blue button-up buttoned to his throat. It was snug against his pale, slightly chubby figure and paired with khaki-colored shorts, the pockets of which his hands were anxiously buried in. Connor let his eyes drift to his footwear-- god. His white crew socks practically blended in with his pale legs and his cheap “boating” shoes made him look twice as douchey. He wasn’t really sure what he was expecting this asshole’s face to look like, but what he saw surprised him nonetheless.

He had thick-rimmed tortoiseshell patterned glasses that surprisingly complemented his tired blue eyes. They were perched on his larger-than-average nose, which was scrunched up as he tried to read the sign hanging across Connor’s booth. 

“Can I help you?” Miguel piped in after assumedly sizing up the newcomer as well. The man (who honestly seemed more of a boy) glanced up from the sign. 

“Yeah, actually. I was wondering what, uh, ‘ah-der agu-pe’ is supposed to mean.” Connor took the time to notice the boy’s larger front teeth and the gap between them. In an odd way, it suited him. 

“Well, for starters,” Connor cut in, “it’s ‘αδερφική αγάπη.’ It means ‘brotherly love.’” The boy raised an eyebrow. 

“Isn’t that kinda, I dunno—“

“We know it sounds gay. It’s intentional.”

The boy tilted his head, “Intentional as in ironic or intentional as in you guys are all gay?” 

Connor and Miguel glanced at each other. “Both, I guess.” The boy snorted. 

“I guess I’ve got that part down.” He said with an easy smile. “I do have to ask about, like, why I should join, though. Besides the gay thing. My mom would kill me if I just looped myself into some gay sex cult frat house because I didn’t ask enough questions.” Miguel chuckled at his quip. 

“The normal stuff, I guess.” Connor said, seemingly unamused. “A sense of, like, community, an academic support system, housing and social events.” He was well rehearsed to this list; he liked to keep his conversations between the incoming freshmen short. He was obviously unhappy with what he felt was a waste of his perfectly good Sunday, letting his boyfriend deal with the conversational aspect of the booth while he simply rattled off information. 

“Wow, you like it that much, huh?” New boy boldly remarked. Connor furrowed his brows, opening his mouth to tell him off before Miguel put a hand on his forearm. 

“Trust me, he does. He’s just grumpy he had to wake up before 11 on a Sunday.” He said with a polite grin. At least he’s telling the truth, Connor thought. 

“I get that. My mom’s the one making me join a house, in case you couldn’t already tell.” Connor actually smiled lightly at this. A self-deprecating joke was something he could get behind. New boy seemed proud of himself for this. 

“I mean, as long as you promise you’re not a sex cult, I think we’ll be a great match.” Miguel gave another warm smile. 

“I promise...sorry, I don’t believe you introduced yourself yet?” He retracted a hand from his khaki pocket to meet Miguel’s. 

“Uh, Jared. Jared Kleinman.” Miguel nodded. 

“Well, Jared, I promise we’re not a sex cult.” Jared gave a timid, crooked smile as Miguel continued. “Me and my boyfriend Connor here are actually Bigs this upcoming year, so if you’re seriously considering joining us, you should definitely put your info down,” he said, sliding a paper and pen forwards. 

“Yeah! Yeah, definitely, absolutely.” Jared awkwardly replied as he scrambled to write his name and number down. 

“Awesome.” Miguel genuinely remarked. Connor could tell his boyfriend had taken a liking to the chubby barely-adult when he saw the way he smiled down at him. 

“Uh, well.” Jared said, straightening upright and capping the pen. “I hope I hear from you guys! It’s been a pleasure.” He then attempted to give a friendly smile, though it came across as a bit forced. 

“Sure thing, Jared! We’ll definitely keep in touch!” Miguel called as he waved goodbye. Connor rolled his eyes. 

“You’re not seriously thinking of inviting Mr. Gay Sex Cult, are you?” Miguel chuckled. 

“What? I thought it was funny!”

“There is nothing funny about gay sex cults!” Connor said, though he, too, couldn’t help smiling about it. From Connor’s peripherals, he spotted yet another newcomer, thus ruining the moment. 

He shoot a mini glare towards the timid boy (who looked like his mom had dressed him) as he walked up towards the booth, nervously fiddling with his hands. Connor sighed and took a sip of his limited edition Monster Assault Red, deciding to let his boyfriend handle the blond’s presence. 

“Sorry, but I heard you guys saying something about a, uh, gay sex cult?” Connor raised an eyebrow as though to say ‘you got a problem with gay sex cults, kid?’, but newcomer number two suddenly gave a small smirk. “Uh, sign me up.”

Connor proceeded to choke on his Monster as Miguel laughed wildly.

“I think you’d fit right in here…” Miguel said after he’d calmed down, still chuckling mildly as he waited for the boy’s name. 

“Um, Evan Hansen. Hi.” Evan was wearing a small, proud smile as he shook Miguel’s hand. “And, uh, just to be clear, you’re like… an LGBT friendly frat, right? I assumed so, cause of the joke, but—“ 

“Of course!” Miguel butted in. “I’m Miguel, and this is my boyfriend...” Miguel shot him a look that said ‘say hi or I’m gonna kick you under the table.’

Connor coughed a few more times before speaking up. “Connor.” The booth fell silent before Connor realized he was supposed to keep talking. “Uh, if you’re interested in joining…” He nodded his head towards a sheet and pen that resided on their booth. “Feel free to put your information there.” 

Miguel smiled at the nervous blond. “I call the other kid, so you wouldn’t have me as your Big, but if you’re still interested in joining I’m sure Connor would love to be your mentor!” Connor and Evan’s eyes widened, but for differing reasons.

“Really?” Evan cried excitedly. Connor kicked Miguel under the table.

“That would-- that would be great! Wow. You’d really do that for me?” Evan said, earnestly looking at Connor with his wide pair of innocent baby blues. God, he couldn’t say no anymore, could he?

“Yeah, I guess I could.” He shook his head, not even believing himself, “I can get you the papers by tomorrow if you’re really that eager to join our sex cult.”

Evan grinned from ear to ear. “Dude, that would be great!” Dude? Connor thought to himself. He was even a bigger frat boy than he’d originally assumed. “Here, I can give you my, like, number and stuff.” He continued, gesturing to the paper.

“Sure, go ahead.” Connor replied carelessly, giving in tiredly to please the puppy-ish freshman and his overly-kind boyfriend. 

Evan eagerly wrote down his contact information, steadfastly smiling to himself as he did so. “Thank you so much for this opportunity. I promise I’ll make you proud!” The kid then ran off, looking like he was talking to himself. Connor shook his head solemnly.

“You’re a dick, Miguel.” The boy in question shoved him.

“Shut up, Connor. You like my dick.” Connor shoved him back, harder. Miguel let himself fall as he was pushed, breaking their poster board in half and causing the table to skid back. 

“Ah, shit. I guess we have to go back to the house.” Connor said. Miguel rolled his eyes lightly, fully aware that this was just an excuse to leave, but didn’t protest when Connor offered him a hand.

“Oh, come on, Mr. Dramatic. We can start planning hell week back home.” Connor bargained as he brushed the grass off his mildly annoyed boyfriend. “I think we’ve already done enough, yeah?” Miguel sighed.

“Yeah. I did really like that Jared kid!” Connor snorted. 

”He seems like he’d fit in nicely. He’s got our sense of humor. Well, your sense of humor, at least.”

Miguel laughed as he recalled the other kid. “I think you and Evan will get along. He’s like... your polar opposite. All cute and blond and shit.” Connor turned away from where he was picking up their booth to confront his boyfriend.

“Are you saying I’m not cute? Fuck you, man.” He glared at Miguel, but also struggled to hold in a laugh, “We’re over. I’m leaving you and running away to sell newspapers.” Miguel giggled.

“Oh yeah? I guess I’ll just sell my bodega and go back home.”

“Shut up, you don’t even like In The Heights! And you literally were born here?”

“You know me, Murphy. My heart belongs to Colorado.” 

“Oh my god.” Connor groaned. “I can’t believe I’m dating such a pothead.” Miguel grinned, taking the broken poster Connor was holding.

“I can’t either. How did the king of New York fall for a stoner like me?” He laughed, “You love me, though.”

“Yeah,” Connor replied, smiling back. “I do.” He checked his watch, “Once we pick all this shit up, let’s send those kids an email and then we can watch a movie.” Miguel ducked his head to hide his smile and started picking up fallen pens, Connor right beside him.


	2. You Turned Me Gay

Evan woke up to not one, but two notifications on his phone the next morning. 

 

**iMESSAGE (1 message)**

**Mom:** Good morning Ev!! Call me soon and let me know how the frat hunt went

 

**GMAIL (1 message)**

[no subject] from buymo...

 

He clicked on the email message.

 

**buymoremilk@gmail.com**

**[no subject]**

Main pavillion. 10 am. Be there. 

 

Evan wanted to laugh but a part of him was paralyzed. Was this really a gay sex cult? He’d thought that had been a joke. He shook his head a little as he checked the time. 9:07. Evan fell out of his bed as he scrambled to get showered and dressed. He didn’t have much time and he was already starting to second guess all of his life choices leading up to this point in time. 

 

“Joining a frat...” he mumbled as he buttoned his polo. “What would high school Evan think?” He mused distractedly as he walked toward the door and absentmindedly stepped around still-packed boxes.

 

He blinked as he reached the door. Was he really doing this? He decided it was better to not thin and just do. Evan shrugged on his hoodie and stepped out the door; it was too late to go back now. 

  
  


“You wear  _ New Balance? _ ” 

 

Evan turned to the voice and spotted Connor Murphy leaning against a concrete barrier. “Yeah, what abo--”

 

“Fucking  _ New Balance.  _ I’m regretting this already.” Connor glanced at his jacket.

 

“Is that my hoodie?” Connor said, looking… kind of irritated. “I own that hoodie. What the fuck?” Evan glanced down at the zip-up; he’d hardly thought twice about it.

 

“I-- uh, no? This is mine. I think. My mom bought it for me.” Evan said, suddenly feeling even more insecure about his choice in clothes and tugging at the sleeves. It was just a basic gray hoodie, he didn’t know what else he could say to defend himself-- or, well, why he had to defend himself in the first place.

 

Connor raised an eyebrow. “Your mom?” Evan nodded. “Sure, whatever. Moving on.” He pulled out a folded slip of paper from his back pocket and tossed it at Evan, who scrambled to unfurl it as Connor began speaking again. “You are a pledge. I’m your big. This week is hell week. You do a ton of dumb shit I say if you want to get in.” Evan crinkled the paper in his hands, Connor glanced down but continued on. “I know it seems kind of...  _ crazy, _ but be grateful we don’t do hazing.”

 

“Uh, hazing?”

 

“Dangerous, inappropriate, and physical and mental abuse for a week or two to get into a frat. That shit’s illegal for a reason.” Evan merely nodded to show his that he was listening, though he still didn’t really know what this whole “hazing” thing was. The two fell silent for a moment.

 

“So… are you gonna read that, or…?” 

 

“Oh-- yeah! Yeah, sorry…” Evan muttered, bringing the paper closer to his face to make out the text.

  
  
  
  


Jared snorted as he read the note that Miguel had slid across the table.

 

“You’re kidding, right?” Miguel raised his eyebrows.

 

“Oh, definitely not. We take pledges very seriously here at Brotherly Love.” He nodded at the paper, then looked back up at Jared. “You backing out already?” 

 

Jared shrugged, “I’ve got nothing better to do on a Saturday, I might as well go make out with a  _ fucking stranger. _ ” 

 

“Great! So you’re in?” 

 

Jared rolled his eyes. “Do you need a video of it or could you just imagine it?”

 

“I’m a man of many talents, Jared, but picturing you making out with a real life boy is a bit out of my league.” He swirled his drink, “I’m not sure you’d even be able to find someone who’s willing to kiss you, stranger or not,” he said, trying to keep a straight face. He knew what he was doing.

 

“Okay, first of all, that’s rude.” Miguel smirked and gave a shrug as if to say ‘just telling the truth!’. “And second of all,” Jared continued, choosing to ignore Miguel’s snide face, “any man would be so lucky to enjoy my romantic and sensual make-out skills,” Jared had to know Miguel was just riling him up, but he was far too prideful to actually care. He pushed himself out of his chair. “In fact, by midnight tonight, me and a very handsome and  _ very real _ college boy will be engaging in a hot, consensual make out session-- and  _ that’s _ a Kleinman guarantee,” Jared cried, pointing a finger at Miguel’s stupid, smug face; “Have fun picturing it.”

  
  
  


Surely enough, Miguel found himself dragging Jared along with him to one of his classmates back to school parties. Miguel turned his head to look at Jared.

 

“There should be  _ tons _ of theatre majors here, so it’s easy pickings for a decent looking gay guy like you--” Jared was, in fact, not listening to Miguel and instead was shaking his arms and head as if he was a swimmer about to enter the water. Miguel hesitated, his hand on the knob.

 

“...You alright there, bud?” Jared looked over at him as though he’d forgotten Miguel was there at all.

 

“What? Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I can do this.” Miguel could tell Jared was just talking to himself, but he merely shrugged. 

 

“Alright! If you say so…” He led them into the dark apartment, where showtunes were being blasted and people were crowding around each other.  

 

“You’ve got this, you funky little homo,” Miguel said, clapping a hand on Jared’s shoulder. He nodded vigorously. 

  
Jared “I’ve  _ got _ this…” Jared murmured to himself, ducking out of Miguel’s view, assumingly on the prowl for a decent-looking fellow homosexual to make out with.

 

“Ah, youth,” Miguel sighed to himself, his eyes scanning the crowd for some booze. He spotted the shitty plastic table and headed over when-- oh!

 

Miguel strode over to stand behind his grumpy boyfriend, who was currently glaring into his red solo cup as though it had insulted him. Miguel cleared his throat and lowered his voice.

 

“Hey there, Robert Smith… you come here often?” Connor frowned.

 

“Look, why don’t you fuck off, dude, I’ve got a--” Connor looked up from the plastic folding chair he resided on, his expression suddenly softening. “Oh, hi babe! Why are you here?” Miguel smiled, sitting beside his tipsy boyfriend.

 

“My little gay needs to get laid.” He smirked, glancing over to Jared who was anxiously alternating between sipping something (which Miguel hoped was soda) and scanning the room dartingly. He simultaneously looked out of place and also right where he should be. Miguel pointed him out for Connor, who chuckled.

 

“He somehow looks even more helpless than mine,” Connor replied, vaguely gesturing towards Evan, who was squished in between two females (who were presumably theatre majors) talking animatedly about something Evan appeared completely on. He, like Jared, was also nursing a red, plastic cup, which he was holding carefully in both his hands for some reason. Miguel giggled.

 

“Maybe we should record them and--” Connor suddenly jumped to the edge of his seat, grabbing his boyfriend’s forearm.

 

“ _ Oh my god! _ ” He squealed. (Tipsy Connor was surprisingly excitable)

 

“What? What is it?” Miguel said, attempting to follow Connor’s line of sight to no avail.

 

“Holy shit. No way.” Connor was grinning like an idiot, his grip on Miguel’s arm tightening.

 

“Spit it out, Connor, oh my  _ god-- _ ” 

 

“Look at Evan!” Miguel furrowed his eyebrows, turning his head away from his boyfriend to see--

 

‘Oh my god’ was right. Miguel watched Evan with wide eyes as he proceeded to chat up a blushing Jared. He could hardly believe his eyes-- the proud and confident Jared was blushing like a teenage girl and nervously shuffling his stupid boating shoes against the carpeted apartment floor.

 

And Evan-- the adorable, nervous, and puppyish blond-- appeared to be flirting with him with a confidence and swagger Miguel had never seen before (not that he’d really seen much of the boy, but  _ still _ ).

 

“You don’t think he’s gonna, y’know--” Connor whisper-yelled, nudging his head towards the two and raising his eyebrows.

 

“Make out? Maybe. I mean, it’s not against the rules, is it?”

 

“Do you think I  _ know _ the rules?!” 

 

“No, but I’d like to imagine you’re a better big than you actually are.” Connor rolled his eyes.

 

“Well I’m sorry, Mr. Perfect Big--” Miguel clapped a hand over his boyfriend’s mouth.

 

“ _ OH MY GOD. _ ” Miguel hissed, pointing out the two idiots before them. Evan was currently cradling Jared’s jaw in his hands, his eyes lazily trained on the latter’s lips.

 

“I feel like I should look away, but I really don’t want to--” 

 

“That’s kind of weird, but I completely understand.” Miguel’s eyes were also transfixed on the two timid gays. Time seemed slower than usual as Evan carefully leaned into the impossibly red Jared’s face-- and, wow, he knew how to kiss,  _ what the fuck? _

  
  


After what was honestly an unnecessarily long time of clashing mouths, Evan pulled away. “I think you just made me gay,” he murmured, already beginning to lean back into Jared, who was suddenly pulling away.

 

“You-- sorry, what?” Jared blinked a few times, catching his breath then retracted his arms from around Evan’s neck. “Did you just say you’re  _ not _ gay?” Evan frowned slightly, his arms still looped around Jared’s middle.

 

“Huh? No, of course I’m not--”

 

“Wh-what the fuck is  _ wrong _ with you, dude?” Jared said, scrambling out of Evan’s gentle hold.

  
  


Miguel scrunched his face up as he watched the scene play out. “Oh, boy.” It was pretty ironic that two of the most dramatic people at a theatre major party were, in fact, a botany and a computer science major.

 

Currently, Jared was straightening his glasses and rubbing his eyes as he darted towards the door, not sparing Evan or Miguel so much as a glance.

 

“Shit,” Miguel murmured, standing up. “I should probably make sure he’s okay. I don’t know if he’s the most stable person.” Connor nodded, suddenly sobering up.

 

“Yeah, I-- I should check on Evan. Right?” Miguel hugged Connor in lieu of a response and rushed out the door after a quick kiss goodbye. 

 

Miguel had been expecting to hunt Jared down, and was both glad and upset to find him directly outside the door, his head in his hands. Quiet, choked sobs--heartbreaking sounds--came from the boy curled up on the ground. 

 

“Jared-- Jesus, what did-- are you okay?” Jared sucked in an unsteady breath, removing his hands from under his glasses to glance up at Miguel. His sleepy eyes were somehow already puffy and red-- probably from the vigorous way he rubbed at them, as though this might stop the tears.

 

“I’m- I’m fine.” Jared sniffled, his voice sounding as if it would crack at any second. Miguel sunk next to him on the ground, pulling him close with an arm around his deflated shoulders.

 

“C’mon, Jared, I’m your big now. You can talk to me.” Jared stared at him for a moment, looking almost confused that Miguel genuinely wanted to hear what was wrong.

 

“It’s, it’s nothing, I just…” He hiccuped, his scrunched-up figure bouncing slightly. It would’ve been comedic if it wasn’t so damn heartbreaking. He sniffled again.

 

“He was, he seemed so sweet and, like, actually interested in me, and he…” His face scrunched up in an obvious attempt to push back tears. “He’s straight. He was just messing with me, of course he didn’t actually think I was, like, fucking cute or anything…” He stopped here, his eyes transfixed on the ground.

 

“...Jared?” Miguel asked, gently prompting him to continue. Jared merely shook his head, his hands returning to his face.

 

“I’m so fucking stupid.” He laughed bitterly. His voice actually cracked this time (along with Miguel’s heart).

 

“Oh, Jared…” Miguel murmured, holding the crying, obviously drunk Jared against his chest. “Let’s go get you some ice cream, okay?” Jared sniffled and pulled away.

 

“I’m lactose intolerant.” He said, his voice completely devoid of emotion.

 

“Oh,” Miguel replied, equally flat. Jared sat there for a moment, “So,” he said calmly, “did I pass the first test?” He gave an emotionless laugh before bursting into tears again, though he seemed almost angry now.

 

Miguel squeezed Jared’s shoulders lightly before standing up. “Of course you passed. Come on,” he held out a hand to Jared, “Let’s go watch Frozen or something to celebrate.”

 

“I don’t want to stand up.” It was difficult to tell if Jared was drunk or just very upset.

 

“You have to. Watching Frozen and building a blanket fort with me is your second task.” Jared chuckled, finally folding and lifting his hands, allowing Miguel to gently pull him up.

 

“I want churros,” Jared murmured as they walked back towards the frat house.

 

“Sure, Jared. Whatever you want.”

  
  


Evan, on the other hand, was grinning giddily when Connor got to him. “Did you see me?” Evan drunkenly asked Connor. “I kissed a stranger and I  _ liked it, _ ” He giggled. He was high on adrenaline and kept babbling about how cute “that geeky little twink” had been. Connor had had enough of this bullshit. He was trying to be nice to Evan, sure, but he couldn’t just let Evan think that whole ordeal had gone well. 

 

“Ev, not right now.” Ok, that may have come out a little harsher than he’d intended. “It’s time to go home, buddy.”

 

Evan quieted down, his voice becoming watery. “I didn’t make you…” He stumbled as he looked at his hands, seemingly counting his fingers for some unknown reason. Connor grabbed Evan’s arm to lead him out and suddenly Evan remembered the word he was looking for. “Proud?” Connor suddenly realized that Evan probably had a lot more baggage than he’d originally thought. 

 

“No, Ev.” Connor signed out. He made a split-second decision to not tell Evan that he might’ve just hurt some… what had he called him? A geeky little twink? Well, that he might’ve just hurt some “geeky little twink”’s feelings. That talk could wait until Evan was sober and hopefully emotionally stable. He shook his head as he lead the kid up to his sad little freshman dorm. He’d maybe sort of written the address down from Evan’s sign up paperwork. Was he legally allowed to do so? Not really, but Connor was a worrier and he had been certain the address would come in handy sometime. He hadn’t expected that “sometime” to be so soon, though. 

 

After convincing a very drunk Evan to sleep, Connor left a note explaining how Evan got back to his dorm and then quietly locked the door behind him as he headed back to the frat house. He cut across the campus lawn and was there in minutes. Patting his pockets, he went through a moment of panic thinking that he’d forgotten his keys, but then remembered the older boys would be probably out clubbing until some ungodly hour, so he left the door unlocked behind him. Stepping into the main hall, he heard... Jonathan Groff’s voice? Odd.

 

He found the source of the noise on the TV in the living room. Frozen was playing. Miguel was passed out on the couch, his features softer than when he was at the party, and that “geeky little twink” curled up in a blanket fort on the ground. He gave an almost-silent chuckle at the two as he navigated his way around the fort and turned off the TV like a mature adult. He considered  waking Miguel or carrying him to bed, but he opted to merely scoot his boyfriend aside and snuggle on in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> buckle your seatbelts. there might be some bros in trees next chapter
> 
> !!!not clickbait!!!


	3. Tree Bros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't think too hard about how they're in the tree. we don't really know how either. 
> 
> trigger warning: dendrology

Jared had made a lot of questionable life choices, but he’d never expected that they’d lead him to standing beneath a tree, being told he’d have to get into it. 

 

“No offense to, like, myself, but have you seen me? I can’t climb this shit.”

 

“Connor is bringing a ladder, shortass.” Miguel shook his head as he checked his messages. Connor and his pledge were almost here. “Put this on,” he tossed a dark bandana at Jared’s face. Jared raised his eyebrows. 

 

“I usually wait ‘till the 4th date to whip out the blindfold, but--” Miguel barked out a laugh.

 

“As if you’re the one putting the blindfold on someone else! Very funny, Jared.” Jared scrunched up his face.

 

“Hey, what are you imply--”

 

“Just put it on.” Jared unsurprisingly gave in (after a dramatic eye-roll), tying the bandana around his eyes.

 

“If you try to make me drink something suspicious, I’m leaving and never coming back.” Miguel opened his mouth to say something, but behind Jared he saw Connor dragging a wagon with a folding three step ladder and an ill fitting blindfolded kid in it. His knees were pulled up to his chest-- he was about as folded as the ladder he sat in front of. A small part of him thought that it was cute, seeing Connor drag around this man-child, playing pretend as a sort-of parent. The rest of him hoped that no one called the cops on his bad-boy boyfriend, dragging around a blindfolded student in what might be an incriminating scene. Wait, should he be jealous? He looked at Evan, who had just face planted in the grass after tripping out of the wagon.

  
Nope, definitely not.

 

“What was that?” Jared said, turning his ear towards the ruckus Evan had caused

 

“I’m okay,” Evan managed to choke out once he caught his breath after falling again trying to pick himself up. Connor obviously had an idea, as he made his stupid devious-face (one eyebrow raised and one side of his mouth quirked upwards).

 

“Jared,” Connor said, grabbing him by the wrist and guiding him towards the stumbling boy. “Come help Evan out over here.” 

 

A worried thought flashed across Miguel’s brain-- had they remembered each other’s names from the party? They obviously didn’t recognise their voices, but if they’d introduced themselves, Connor and Miguel’s summer-romance-extravaganza-plot was ruined. With baited breath, Miguel waited for Jared to give any sort of indication he remembered the boy--

 

“Uh, ok. Hi, Evan.” Jared stuck out his hand nowhere near Evan. In fact, his back was practically turned away from him.

 

“I’m, um, over here, so…” Miguel made eye contact with Connor and shared a smug smile. Of course they hadn’t introduced themselves to each other before sucking face. Idiots. 

 

Miguel and Connor almost fell over laughing as Jared proceeded to trip over Evan and end up sprawled out next to him like a starfish. “By over here, I kinda meant on the ground…”

 

Jared huffed and crawled up on all fours, his butt in the air like some sort of donkey. Miguel almost wished Evan wasn’t wearing a blindfold. Jared brushed his palms of dirt against his stupid khaki shorts before speaking.

 

“How about you say something again so I can follow your voice?”

 

“Oh, ok. Um, hi there. I’m Evan.” Jared turned towards him as Evan extended a hand. “I’ve, uh, got my hand out now, so if you just wanted to take it…” Jared did so, awkwardly groping the air to locate Evan’s outstretched hand and help him up.

 

Or, well, that was the plan. Evan almost immediately yanked Jared down on top of himself.

 

“Oh, my god!” Evan squeaked, sitting up on his elbows. “I’m--I’m so sorry, I just assumed you were bigger than me, or something--” Miguel was quite literally on the ground, crying with laughter, comedically scrunched up on his side, a hand clutching his stomach as he shook. Connor was standing over the three looking disapproving. He was smart enough to pull out his phone and take a few pictures of the mess playing out in front of him. 

 

“You guys,” he gestured at all three of the bodies in the grass, “are the dumbest fucking people I’ve ever met.” This apparently brought Jared back to reality, as he hastily and clumsily scrambled off his compromising position in Evan’s lap to stand above him once more.

“Whatever.” Jared grumbled, unsuccessfully trying to hide his blush by readjusting his bandana. In the meantime, a spacey Evan Hansen was precariously standing himself up. Miguel and Connor were analyzing their every move. It was like watching blind people on bumper carts, but the bumper cars were also gay… or would that be the drivers? Whatever, it wasn’t a great metaphor.

 

The point was, the two were awkward bumper cars passing in the night. Miguel and Connor’s mission was to make these two bumper cars bump. Wait, that was somehow worse. Damn. He just wanted two bumper cars to get together and have a cute relationship and maybe fall in love and have little bumper car babies. Wow, he was a little crazy, huh? 

 

Miguel snapped out of his bumper car spiral with a quick shake of his head, focusing on the matter at hand. He took a deep breath and stood in front of the boys, clapping his hands together. The two jumped slightly at the noise. Funny.

 

“So!” Miguel declared, rubbing his hands together. “You wanna join our bad boys club.”

 

“Yeah, I’m having some doubts--” Connor flicked Jared on the back of the head, hard.

  
“Ow!” Jared hissed, his hand flying to the back of his head.

 

“Just listen, fruitcake, alright?” Connor said, tone lowered in annoyance. Jared only frowned.

 

“Well, anyways,” Miguel began, a little more tense now. “For your second trial, you two are gonna get in this tree, yeah?” The two nodded hesitantly-- this they already knew, hence the two’s tennis shoes. “But what we  _ didn’t _ say was that you’ll be sleeping in it.” Jared’s spine went rigid.

 

“We’re fucking  _ what _ ?” His hands flew to the tie of his blindfold, already beginning to undo it. “No, no way. I’m not doing this shit.” Connor seized him by the wrist, making Jared unable to finish untying the bandana.

 

“Jesus Christ, Jared, can’t you just chill out for a minute?” Jared shook his arm free of Connor’s grip,  trying to turn towards Connor to give him an agitated look but actually turning away from him and towards Evan, lifting an accusatory finger. “Listen here, dude. I’m getting real tired of your  _ shit _ .” Jared jabbed his finger into who he thought was Connor’s chest on his last word. Evan flinched, hard, which prompted Miguel to step forward and steer Jared away. He argued as he was pulled away. “Seriously, Connor has not stopped with his angsty ‘I’m to cool for you’ bullshit since I met him.” Connor prickled immediately and opened his mouth to argue before being cut off.

 

Evan’s voice somehow had an air of both confidence and hesitance, hoping to reassure this other boy. “I think it’s kinda cool. I’ve always wanted to try doing, like,” he played with his hands, “survival shit, you know?” Connor nodded, not that Jared could see. 

 

“You want to play survivor and sleep in a fucking tree? This is a campus park, not the middle of the fucking woods,  _ alright,  _ dude?” Miguel’s grip on Jared’s arms tightened at this.

 

“Hey, how about you come with me for a sec, alright?” Jared twisted his arms away to cross them but didn’t protest when Miguel placed a gentle hand on his upper back and led him behind the tree.

 

“Oookay, tiger,” Miguel sighed once they were a safe distance away from the other boys. “What’s this really about?” Jared’s arms seemed to tighten around himself. He shrugged.

 

“I don’t like the names he was calling me.” Jared grumbled. It wasn’t totally unbelievable, but Miguel had a feeling it wasn’t really the whole truth.

 

“I’m sorry about him. He really does like you, he’s just shit at expressing that kind of thing.” Jared kicked his feet against the grass, his head down. “He calls me a pothead sometimes.” The shorter boy snorted, his head still down. “I know he’s just kidding, but it hurts sometimes, y’know? I’m trying to stop smoking.” Jared’s head was up now, but it wasn’t super comforting to look at him when his eyes were covered.

 

“Have you, uh… told him to stop it?” Miguel nodded, then remembered Jared couldn’t see.

 

“Yeah, yeah. He’s trying, but it’s just a habit to him.”

 

“Who knew Connor was so into name calling?” Miguel snorted at Jared’s stupid joke, but his smile immediatley disappeared when he remembered why he’d even corraled Jared over in the first place.

 

“I’m not totally sure that’s what you’re so upset about though, Jared.” Miguel was ready to go 100% parent-mode-- he’d even used Jared’s name! He was truly and honestly worried about his little guy.

 

Jared cuffed a hand around his wrist and twisted it nervously. “It’s fuckin’ stupid.” He muttered, his hands still twisting furiously.

 

“You don’t have to tell me.” Miguel said, really hoping he’d tell him.

 

“It’s just…” He cleared his throat. “I’m. I’m scared of the dark.” He twisted his hands. “And like, yeah, it’s already dark right now cause… blindfold, but it’s more the idea of  _ being _ in the dark. That, like, anything can sneak through, and… yeah.” He finished eloquently, dropping his hands to his sides as if to say “go ahead, I’m vulnerable, hit me”. Miguel was not going to do that. On the contrary, he put a gentle hand on Jared’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, no problem! I’ve got like, 2 lanterns in my car.” Jared attempted to give him a quizzical look, but it was near impossible with his bandana on. “I’m afraid of breaking down. Have you seen how shit that Sedan is?” Jared laughed quietly. Miguel’s shitty Sedan was a disaster waiting to happen. 

 

“Okay, that’s… Thank you.” Miguel smiled and shrugged, even though Jared couldn’t see it.

 

“It’s nothing dude, seriously.” Jared shook his head.

  
“No, no, I mean, like… for not making fun of me and shit. I really appreciate it.” Miguel smiled wider, squeezing Jared’s shoulder.

 

“Of course, bro.” Bro, Jared thought, smiling. How nice it was, to have someone to be his bro. “C’mon, let’s rejoin the dudes.” Miguel said, giving him a shake.

 

On the other side of the tree, Evan was excitedly… feeling up the tree trunk, while Connor lie on the ground, his hands behind his head.

 

“We’re back!” Miguel cried, leading Jared in with a hand on his elbow. Connor sat up on his elbows, immediately furrowing his brow and making eye contact with his boyfriend. The look said it all--  _ “is he alright?” _ Miguel nodded, glad the other two couldn’t see. 

 

Upon hearing Miguel, Evan pushed himself off the tree he was feeling and turned an ear towards his voice. He felt an awkward silence. They must have all remembered he was there. 

 

“Is this an oak tree?” He patted the tree, waiting for someone to respond.

 

The silence ensued once more. “Uhh…” Connor murmured, inputting some text into a search engine, freezing when he saw the result. “What the fuck. Yeah.” Evan couldn’t keep a smug smile off his face as he leaned back against the tree. 

 

“How did you do that?” Jared said, his smile evident in his tone. Evan grinned bashfully and pushed his hands into his pockets. Times like this it was hard to believe this was the same Evan that had drunkenly turned Jared into blushing putty a single night ago.

 

“I’m studying, um, botany, so.” This was the man who made Jared moan loud enough with his tongue alone that they’d both heard it from across a room. Wow.

 

“Well, how about you two dudes study botany together in the tree? Right now.” Connor was bored of their awful and, quite literally, blind attempts at flirting already and he felt like he had to push them together. 

 

30 minutes, one ladder, and two lanterns later (which was far more time that it should’ve taken, but Evan kept whining about how he was afraid they’d “hurt the tree), Miguel and his boyfriend had corralled the two into the damn thing.

 

Before descending, Connor reached forward, gently grabbing Jared’s upper arm. “Uh, hey…” His voice was tight. It was obvious he wasn’t used to… this. “I’m sorry. Miguel told me.” Jared sighed, awkwardly readjusting on the branch.

 

“You’re-- it’s fine. I’m sorry, too. I don’t really think… you’re not mean. I was just upset.” Connor gave a small smile and squeezed Jared’s shoulder to stop him from rambling on any more. It was easier to smile when he knew Jared wasn’t looking.

 

“Bros?” Jared asked. Connor merely snorted. 

 

“Yeah. Bros.”

 

Evan sat on the other side of the tree, trying really hard not to listen in on Connor and the other boy. Jared. That’s what he’d said his name was.

 

Jared. It was… it sounded familiar. 

 

“Sleep well, twink.” Connor’s voice said from behind Evan. Twink. Jared. Twink. So familiar, and yet Evan had nothing. He was probably just a friend of a friend. Maybe they were in the same freshman orientation group?? 

 

Evan shook his head, clearing his thoughts. It didn’t matter if he thought he knew him. They’d hardly even talked. Come tomorrow, they’d just be a memory in each other’s heads. No big deal.

  
  


Except it was a big deal. Two hours down and Evan was still just thinking. About Jared and the tree, like how old was Jared, and how old was the tree? He pulled the comforter Connor had brought him tighter around his shoulders. He imagined what Jared might look like.

 

He had a nasally voice-- not super nasally, but it was there. It went higher when he was whining. He liked it when he whined. What? No. He liked it because… it was entertaining?

 

Evan sighed hopelessly. He was absolutely useless, finding this boy’s  _ voice _ attractive. He didn’t even know what he looked like! Maybe he did… He had thought he knew him, right? Okay, now he was just spiraling.

 

He  _ felt _ cute earlier, when he’d fallen on him. All soft and short. Well, he didn’t really fall, did he? Evan pulled him down. Right. Evan snorted to himself at that as he readjusted, running his hands softly along the tree. It relaxed him and grounded him after his weird little spiral. Wait, that wasn’t the tree anymore. He pulled his arm back, blankets shuffling as he rushed to apologize. He’d ran his hand along  _ Jared’s arm _ . 

 

“Uh…” Jared said quietly. “What was… that?” His voice was kind of gravely. Crap. Had Evan woken him up?  _ Crap _ .

 

“I’m sorry, oh my god. I’m-- I was just, like… touching the tree, I didn’t know you were… right there.” Jared laughed. His laugh was kind of, uh, honk-ish? But it was cute. 

 

Shit. There Evan went again, fantasizing about some stranger’s voice. His cute, low--  _ No _ . Not today. Not right now, anyways, when this mystery boy was-- oh, we was still talking, wasn’t he?

 

“I’m sorry, I just, I just zoned out. What?” Jared sighed.

 

“You can just say no, dude. Don’t make me ask again.” Evan furrowed his eyebrows. Ask… what?

 

“That’s, um-- ominous. I really did, though, I have… no idea what you just said.” Jared laughed (honked) but quieted pretty quickly. 

 

“Well,” he began, suddenly sounding a lot more nervous than before, “I was just saying how cold it is out here, and how, like… it’s kinda creepy, and like, did you want to… sleepoverhere?” Evan sat up, his grip on the tree below him tightening.

 

“You-- what? What? How would that even work, it’s a tree, I don’t, um--”

 

“Forget it, oh my god, it was stupid--” 

 

“No, no, it’s, uh-- you could move over, to like, this, um--” Evan felt around the tree. “There’s not really, uh another branch here… um, do you want me to, like… lift you over…? My branch is kind of, um, wide--” 

 

“No. No. I can’t fucking handle that.” Evan wasn’t sure if he was referring to the climbing part or the being-picked-up part.

 

Jared was talking about the being-picked-up-by-a-mysterious-and-apparently-very-strong-guy and then  _ sleeping _ beside said guy.

 

Jared adjusted himself on his branch, trying to get his makeshift blanket-- a hoodie-- to keep his entire body warm. He leaned to his left, attempting to tuck the hoodie under his right leg, but panicked when his head hit someone’s chest. Evan’s chest. He jerked his head away, but kept his hands on the tree firmly to maintain his balance.

 

“It’s ok.” Evan said, surprisingly calm given his previous bumblings. “Do you wanna, um, watch a movie?” Jared was silent.

 

“Sorry, are you, like, dumb?” Evan smiled at this. Usually, this sort of comment would hurt or scare him off, but something about Jared’s tone kept it light.

 

“No, no, I have, um… like, audio description options on Netflix. My aunt is blind.” He searched around in his pockets. “And earbuds.”

 

“Not Airpods? Broke ass.” Evan smiled wider. It was nice, having someone poke fun at him without fearing he’d cry or something. Evan didn’t like being treated like a breakable object, but that’s usually how it went.

 

“I lost my Airpods when live action Sonic chased me through 7-11 last week,” Evan said with the straightest voice he could muster. He reached out an arm to keep Jared, who was laughing (honking) his ass off, from falling out of the tree. His laughter stopped pretty abruptly.

 

“Um, you good? It wasn’t, it wasn’t that funny.” Jared cleared his voice. 

 

“No, it’s fine. We should, uh, watch some Netflix.” His voice was higher than before.

 

“I have, uh, Hulu. Is that ok?” 

 

“Oh, fuck yeah. The Good Place.” After about 20 “Hey, Siri” attempts, the show played and the boys fell into comfortable silence. Jared began shuffling around and soon enough there was a warm weight on Evan’s shoulder. Shit.

 

Evan was able to pretend to be okay for about half an episode, until Jared’s breathing seemed to even out and he removed their earbuds in silence. His hand brushed across Jared’s face and he let out a hum noise. It was incredibly endearing.

 

“Evan?” Evan froze.

 

“Um, yeah?”

 

“Do you ever worry about your major?” Evan chuckled softly. “Hey, what’s funny?”

 

“No, um, sorry, it’s just, um, I have anxiety. Like, um, bad anxiety. Taken medication my whole life and stuff, um… and I grew up poor, and… I’m studying botany. Doesn’t really… pay well. So, yeah. I worry a lot.”

 

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Jared said, sounding truly remorseful. It was a nice change of tone-- a lot softer. It was sweet. He must’ve been sleepy.

 

“I wish I could see you.” Evan blurted out.

 

“Hm?” Jared blearily hummed. He was lightly fiddling with the rope tied around his middle and to the tree (see, Miguel and Connor weren’t completely incompetent and irresposible! Just mostly). “Why’s that?” 

 

Evan shrugged against him, also turning his attention to his rope, which he’d opted to tie round his thighs and the branch. “It’s just, um, weird not seeing you, I guess.” 

 

“Wanna feel me?” Evan nearly choked. 

 

“You, um, what? Touch-- what?” Jared snorted.

 

“I meant, like, my face. Perv.” Evan was very happy Jared couldn’t see his red face.

 

“That’s, um-- that’s still weird.”

 

“It’s not  _ that _ weird,” Jared argued. “One of the girls in my statistics class is blind and apparently they do that to tell what people look like.”

 

“Um, like I said, earlier, my aunt’s blind, but… I don’t know. She doesn’t really like to be touched, so I guess it’s just. A personal thing. Like… whether or not you want your face… touched.” Evan cringed at his word vomit.

 

“I don’t know about you, but I’m down for some face-touching.” Evan felt very red, again.

 

“Um-- sure, sure, Jared.” Evan cleared his voice, searching for some stability. “I’ll touch your face.”

 

“Awesome.” Jared said, still sounding sleepy. He reached for Evan’s hand and quickly brought it towards his face. His hands were so soft. And his face-- wow, it was even softer.

 

Evan sort of lost himself in the moment. At first, he hesitantly let his hands rest on either side of Jared’s face. He had a full face. Evan would like to imagine his cheeks were slightly rosy. Maybe he had dimples when he smiled.

 

“Do you have dimples?” Evan spat out.

 

“What, on my face?”

 

“Wh-- yes. Um, obviously.” Jared laughed at himself, the corners of his face pulling upwards under Evan’s touch.

 

“Yeah.” Jared said, his laughter subsiding. “Uh, just two small ones. Not that deep.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Why? Can you, like… feel them?”

  
“Um, no. I just-- I imagined you with dimples, I guess.” Jared smiled once again. Evan liked being able to know when he was smiling.

 

Evan was right about to readjust his hands when he realized the left one was… well. It was kind of sticking to his face.

 

“Uh…” Evan nervously drawled, peeling his hand back.

 

“Dude!” Jared squeaked, jerking backwards. “What the fuck is on your hand?” There was a shuffling noise, then--

 

“Oh, FUCK!” Jared yelled. Like, actually yelled. Loudly. Instinctively, Evan felt around forwards to grab Jared and keep him in place. Jared squeaked. 

 

“What? What? Are you-- did you lose your balance?” Evan asked, his voice laced with concern and his grip on… whatever soft body part his hands had found tightening.

 

“For the love of all things holy,  _ please _ take your hands off me.” The singular brain cell in his head was yelling,  _ “No keep it there”  _ but he was  _ not _ about to say that out loud. And also, respect. He realized he hadn’t let go.

 

“I’m-- oh my god.” Evan’s voice was almost as high as Jared’s. “I’m so sorry, I was just-- trying to, like, stabilize you--”

 

“It’s fine it’s fine, it’s-- I’m good. I just… I dropped my fucking phone, dude.”

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Um. That’s my fault, I’m sorry.” Jared sighed.

 

“No, no, it’s fine, it’s… Uh, what was on your hand, though?” 

 

“Oh, um…” Evan touched his palm. “I think it’s sap.” They were quiet for a moment. “Um, I didn’t… what was I, um, grabbing…?” 

 

“Christ. Very forward, Evan. That, um, just my… like, my thigh, dude. You-- yeah.”

 

“Jesus, I’m sorry, I’m… sorry, I just freaked out, I guess.”

 

“It’s alright. You narrowly evaded a dick grab, which would’ve definitely been worse.”

 

“Well, that’s-- that’s true. It’s, um… it’s a nice… it’s soft.” The silence was suffocating. “Ohmygod that’s so weird I’m s--”

 

“Please don’t say sorry again. Um… thanks. It’s, uh. I like churros a lot.” Why did he say? Jared wanted to slap himself for bringing up churros because now he was hungry. 

 

“Oh, um, ok. Me too?” Evan winced. “I don’t know why I lied. I don’t like churros that much. I’m sorry.” Jared laughed easily.

 

“That’s fine. You’re missing out, but it’s fine.” The only thing I’m missing out on is those thighs. Jesus Christ, what the fuck was wrong with him? “So, sap, huh?” What? Oh right. The… right.

 

“Um, yeah, my tree-- I mean, not  _ my _ tree, but it must-- it probably has sap. Had. Cause it’s on my hand now. Right.”

 

“It’s  _ our _ tree,” Jared said with a grin, readjusting once again. “But, uh… You seem pretty nervous. It’s ok, I forgive you for feeling me up. You can be normal now.” This only made Evan more nervous, of course.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry, I’m… This is just all, um, very new.” Jared snorted.

 

“Never felt up a guy up in a tree before?” 

 

“Um, well-- no. Not, no. Not really.”

 

“Not really? As in, something similar has happened?” Evan spluttered.

 

“No, no, not at all, not-- No.” Jared snorted at Evan’s flustered response.

 

“Nice to know I’m your first.” Evan didn’t really know how to respond to this besides an odd mash of half-spoken words including Evan originals such as “I’m s--you, um _ \--first-- _ ”

 

“I just mean, thanks for taking my tree virginity,” Jared managed to choke out before succumbing to his raucous honking laughter. Evan stopped stammering, relief washing over him as he quietly listened to his laughter. He wasn’t upset at all, even after dropping his phone. Jared was so nice.

 

“Um… I’m sorry you dropped your phone. And that I made your face sticky. And I grabbed your thigh, and, um. And stuff.” There was a pause.

 

“It’s fine. I definitely don’t mind.” Um, what?

 

“Um, what?”

 

“Nothing, nothing, nothing, let’s just… What would you do for the trolley problem?” 

 

“You-- what? The what now?”

 

“Y’know, from the show. That we just watched.” Shit. Evan had stopped paying attention as soon as Jared leaned on him. He’d missed it.

 

“Oh, um, I don’t know, um. How about you? I mean, how about you go first?” Evan stumbled over his words as he rushed to say something. 

 

“Simple answer,” Jared explained. “I would crush the one person.” He dropped his head back onto Evan’s shoulder, getting cozy.

 

“It’s totally ethical. I mean, one is less than five! I can count well enough to know that. I’m a computer scientist, for God’s sakes. Well, in progress, anyways. Anyways, then there’s the other version of the trolley problem, y’know, where it’s either one person you know or five you don’t, and like… not to get too deep or anything, but besides my mom, I don’t think I’d  _ kill _ for anyone…” Jared’s voice was oddly soothing. Evan rested his cheek on Jared’s head. He stopped talking.

 

“Mm, keep talking.” Evan murmured sleepily. He hadn’t even noticed how exhausted he was until he closed his eyes.

 

“Uh… okay.” His voice went all high again. Evan definitely liked it, he was tired enough to admit it to himself this time. “Okay, er, so there’s the, uh, other  _ other _ version, where, um, you’re  _ in _ the trolley, and as a whole it’s pretty gross so I’d probably, uh, go with the one person again…” 

 

Evan drifted off to the sound of Jared’s nasally voice going on and on about the ethics of killing one person versus five. He dreamt of a good place full of geeky little twinks and trees. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is the bro kink you ask? you'll see.
> 
> comments keep us writing! (no really, sometimes i forget that this exists until i see a notification about it - bookofborle)


End file.
